The Hangover
by Mako Headrush
Summary: Tony thinks Steve needs to loosen up, but gets a bit carried away in his efforts to help his friend to relax. Buddy fic with Iron Man and Cap; Thor and Bruce Banner also make cameo appearances. Rated T for some language. One-shot, but may add another chapter at some point.


Tony Stark paced back and forth in his penthouse office suite at the top of Stark Tower, testing the latest incarnation of the suit, the Mark XII. Suddenly, the voice of Jarvis announced a visitor.

"Steve Rogers to see you, sir," came the genteel and well-groomed robotic voice.

Stark paused, and nodded. "Send him on in." Testing was completed, Stark was somewhat satisfied with the most recent adjustments he'd made to this latest model, and walked through the spinning rings, robots serving to remove the suit from his body. He shook off the slight weariness he felt - he'd been working for ten hours straight - and headed directly to his bar.

As Steve walked in, Tony was already mixing his first drink, a Manhattan. "Captain," Tony said, greeting him. "What'll you have? I know - how about an old-fashioned!"

"Very funny," Steve retorted, rolling his eyes. "You know, you are _too _much sometimes, Stark."

"That's what all the girls say, that I'm too much," Tony replied drolly, winking at Steve as he poured whiskey into a tumbler. "Get it? Because I'm - "

"I _get_ it," Steve replied, taking the drink on the bar. "You do have a pretty high opinion of yourself, you know."

"Ah, Cap." Tony grinned as he raised his glass, and drank. "We really _do_ have to get you laid, you know."

Steve frowned. "You know...I realize a lot has changed since - well, since the war. But _I_ haven't changed."

"See, that's just the problem," Tony said. "You're going to have to change, eventually. Women have changed since the forties. Did you know, they can vote!"

"They've been able to vote since 1920," Steve replied dryly. "I _do_ remember that much, Stark."

"Have they? How about that," Tony said, sounding aloof. He tilted his head back, and drained the rest of his drink. "Seriously, Cap, you need to loosen up. Everything's good, we saved the world from an evil demi-god with delusions of grandeur, yadda yadda. You should kick back, enjoy yourself! _Get laid_."

Steve looked at Tony crossly and shook his head, huffing indignantly. "I don't know why you're so concerned about me losing my virginity," he grumbled into his whiskey tumbler, drinking the amber liquid slowly.

"Wait, what?" Tony sputtered, placing his glass on the granite countertop of the bar as he stared at Steve in disbelief. "You're a _virgin_?"

"Oh crap," Steve groaned. "I assumed you had figured that out already, the way you're always going on and on about getting laid."

"I had no idea," Tony admitted. "I just thought you had a giant stick up your ass, and I thought you know, maybe if this guy got a little tail, he might loosen up just a _tiny_ bit."

Steve groaned again and rolled his eyes. "You are so crude, Stark. I really don't know how Pepper can stand you."

"Actually, she can't," Tony replied, raising his eyebrows. "We broke up. Well, actually, she moved out. So, technically, _she_ dumped _me_, but let's not have that getting around, hmm? Might be bad for my rep, if you know what I mean."

"Oh," Steve said, his face falling. He actually liked Pepper, and really did feel badly that she and Tony had split up. "I'm sorry to hear that, Stark. Really, I am."

"Things happen," Tony said, with a resigned sounding sigh. He picked up his martini glass and twirled it, staring at the perfectly shaved miniature ice floes swirling around the bottom. He drank it down, then turned to Steve.

"Right," he said. "Enough moping about. We should get out of here for a bit, have a few drinks, meet a few girls – well, you should, anyway, seriously. It's not like half of lower Manhattan isn't throwing themselves at you anyway," he commented.

Steve smirked at that. "Yeah. Women and men, actually," he said, shaking his head. "That kind of weirded me out at first."

"I'm not surprised," Tony said airily. "You're total gaybait. I mean, _look_ at you! Hell, I'd tap that."

"Tap what?" Steve replied, frowning, clearly not comprehending Stark's meaning. "I don't understand."

"Of course you don't," Tony muttered. "Look, I'm not taking no for an answer, Cap, all right? A night out on the town, two good looking gents like ourselves – "

"Where will we go, then?" Steve said dubiously, his stomach growling audibly. "How about somewhere with food?"

"We could go for some schawarma?" Tony suggested helpfully. Steve shook his head.

"No thanks," he replied politely. "There's a pub I like on Third Avenue near Grand Central, we could go there – "

"I know the place," Tony interrupted, nodding. "Pretty old joint. It's been around since Prohibition."

"So have I," Steve muttered under his breath, as both got their jackets and got ready to leave.

It was a short walk to the pub, and Steve smiled as he walked in the door, feeling relaxed and at ease. The place had a familiar, easy vibe to it, and Stark was right – it was an old joint, one Steve remembered from long ago, even before he'd taken the serum. The hero found comfort coming here to eat or drink; it was a holdover from what felt like a past life to him.

_Except it was **my** life_, Steve mused, as he and Tony bellied up to the bar. _My life, but paused….for a very, very long time. I **have** missed a lot, haven't I? _A woman sitting nearby seemed to be paying more attention to her smartphone than to anyone around her, texting someone.

"I still can't get over that," Steve remarked, shaking his head. "People just don't _talk_ to each other face to face anymore, they'd rather use a device to do the talking for them. Tony?" Steve turned his head to see Tony on his own smartphone, texting someone.

"What, Cap? You say something?" Tony murmured.

"Oh, nothing," Steve muttered, frowning. The bartender came by, placing a cocktail napkin down in front of both Tony and Steve. "What can I get for you?"

"Well, we're going to get food here too," Tony murmured, glancing over the menu. "Cap? What you having?"

"I think I'll have a cheeseburger and fries," Steve told the bartender. "And a beer…I'll have a stout."

"We're out," the bartender replied, shaking his head.

Steve frowned. "Okay…how about a lager?"

"Out of that, too," the bartender told him.

"Pale Ale?" Tony suggested, glancing at Steve and shrugging his shoulders helplessly. The bartender shook his head again. "_Any_thing?" Again, the bartender shook his head negatively.

"Well, what _do_ you have on tap, sir?" Steve asked politely.

"Nothing at the moment, until our supplier arrives with another keg delivery here," the bartender replied. "Never seen anything like it. This one guy shows up, drank everything we had on tap – and I swear to God, he's still sober."

Steve and Tony stared at each other and grinned. "Thor," they said simultaneously.

The bartender raised an eyebrow. "Ah. So _that's_ who that is," he said, grinning. "Guy's still here, sitting in the back."

"Make that two cheeseburgers, and two of _anything_ alcoholic – unless Thor drank all the hard stuff too," Tony told the bartender, rolling his eyes.

The bartender grinned. "We do still have some whiskey."

"Perfect!" Tony replied. "We're going to join our friend there, if you would be so kind as to send our food back to our table?"

"Of course, Mr. Stark," the bartender replied, putting in the order.

Steve raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You come here too, Stark? Bartender seemed to know you," he commented to Stark, as they made their way back to Thor, who was already waving at the two, grinning widely.

"Yeah, I've been here," Tony replied, yawning. "Really good fries. And sidecars! Cap, have you ever had a sidecar? Damn it, that's what we should have ordered – Thor, good to see you!" Stark exclaimed, greeting the thunder god. "Don't mind if we do join you," he commented, pulling up a chair before Thor could even reply.

"Have a seat, metal man," Thor told him, smirking. "Captain….good to see you. Please, sit," he added, gesturing at a chair.

"So I hear you drank all the beer in this bar, hmm?" Tony quizzed Thor, chuckling. "Seriously, Thor? What is the legal limit in Asgard? _Is_ there a legal limit in Asgard?"

"Legal limit?" Thor repeated, frowning. "I don't follow."

"Of course you don't," Tony said dismissively. "Anyway. I dragged Cap out here to have some fun, and he drags me to the pub. You know, this is not _quite_ what I had in mind for the evening."

"And what did you have in mind, Stark?" Thor asked him, bemused.

"Well, something a little more...happening, maybe," Tony replied. "Like maybe...a rave?"

Thor and Steve looked at each other, shaking their heads. Tony sighed, then rubbed his temples, as if to say dealing with them was the most difficult part of his day. "Let me guess. You've never heard of a _rave_, either one of you?"

"Actually, I have," Thor admitted. "From Jane," he went on to explain. "It sounded...interesting. I've never been to one, but Jane has told me about them."

"Jane at a rave?" Tony interjected, amused. "Now that I'd like to see. Actually, I'd like to see Pepper at a rave." Tony looked away from Thor and Steve, and stared into his drink. "Yeah..." he muttered. Just then, the food arrived.

"So, gentlemen," Tony murmured, tucking into his cheeseburger. "Three good looking guys, such as ourselves...whatever shall we do this evening?"

"I thought about taking in a movie," Steve suggested, pouring ketchup over his fries.

"_Boring_!" Tony interjected rudely. "Next idea. Thor?"

Thor let out a hearty belch and pounded his chest, as if for emphasis. "I shall require food again soon," the Asgardian remarked coolly. "Perhaps that new steakhouse near Times Square - "

"Let me guess, is it some all-you-can-eat joint?" Tony interrupted, draining his martini glass as he clinked it lightly against Steve's.

"Of course," Thor replied, his smile wide and beaming. "You know me too well."

"No, it's just that you eat even more than Bruce does when he's a big green monster," Tony added. "Did you know, that I saw a herd of cows run from him once when he transformed? Not that cows can actually _run_, per se, but they definitely did _not_ want to be near him when he got all green and ragey."

"Do you ever stop talking?" Steve spluttered, exasperated. Really, Stark was going on and on as if his tongue were hinged in the middle.

"Only when there's something or someone in my mouth," Tony replied snarkily, winking at Steve, who groaned in disgust.

"So, do we have an actual _plan_ for this evening?" Steve asked the two, as patiently as he could muster.

"Yes, we do," Tony declared. "We are going to meet some lovely ladies this evening! I know just the place." Stark took out his credit card and placed it on the table, waving their server over.

"Just the check, please, " Tony said to their waiter, who nodded and quickly produced the bill.

"I've got a really bad feeling about this," Steve muttered as they all stood up to leave, looking helplessly to Thor, who didn't seem bothered by anything at all.

* * *

Several hours later - or, more accurately, what felt like several hours later - Tony woke, instantly aware that he was aboard a plane - one of Stark's private jets, to be exact. He realized he was drooling, and his head was resting in someone's lap. Not Pepper. Not Pepper's lap, his brain screamed.

"Wha?" Tony yelled, sitting up straight. The lap apparently belonged to Thor, and Tony fairly cringed when he realized he'd been cuddling with the thunder god.

"Oh God, my head," Tony groaned, rubbing his forehead. "Thor? We didn't make out, did we? If we did, I hope you bought me dinner first."

"Make out?" Thor echoed, a puzzled look on his face as he knit his brows together, digesting this.

"He means _kissed_," came Steve's voice. He was lying down across two seats, an ice pack covering his forehead. "Making out means...kissing someone."

"Why Cap, you dirty boy," Tony murmured, wincing as he stumbled over to the bar, searching in one of the cabinets for aspirin. "Ow. Head hurts."

"And that is entirely your fault," Steve muttered, moaning. "Ohh...remind me to never do that again."

"Do what again, Cap?" Tony asked him, utterly clueless. "What did we do? Where did we go? Will we end up on the evening news? Nothing got destroyed, did it? Oh wait - Bruce isn't here, we should be good. I think."

"_Stark_. Please. Stop. Talking," Steve mumbled, as Thor laughed.

"Ah, you two," Thor said with a grin. "No stomach for strong drink, hmm?"

"Not like _you_, apparently," Tony replied, downing two aspirin, then handed the bottle over to Steve. "Cap? Help yourself. Now, Thor...since you seem to be the only sober one among us, mind telling me and Steve what happened? Like...why are we on my plane? Where the hell did we go?"

"Las Vegas," Thor replied calmly, as Tony's eyes widened.

"Well, hell," Tony muttered. "I have no recollection of any of this. _None_. I mean...I vaguely remember hailing a cab, and telling the driver to take us to LaGuardia," he said, trying in vain to remember something, _anything_.

"Ow," Steve muttered, adjusting the ice pack so that one eye peeked out, which focused on Thor. "Uh...Thor? What _day_ is it, anyway?"

"Tuesday," Thor replied, grinning easily. "Neither one of you remember anything?"

"No," Tony moaned, slumping back into a seat. "So - why are we on a plane anyway, hmm? Are you going to enlighten us, Thor?"

"I will," Bruce Banner interjected stepping out from the back, of the plane, where he'd been in the lavatory. "Like Thor just said...we were in Las Vegas."

"Bruce!" Tony exclaimed happily, a smile splitting his face. The smile quickly turned to a frown as confusion set in once again. "You _are_ here! But wait. Why Vegas, and _what_ are you doing here? Did you turn into a big green monster and destroy a casino or two?"

"No, I didn't. And Thor told me, it was _your_ brilliant idea to go to Nevada, Tony," Bruce said wryly, shrugging his shoulders and smirking. "You insisted on taking Cap to Vegas to meet some girls - "

"Wait, what's wrong with the girls in New York?" Steve asked, sitting up too quickly. His head pained him, and he winced. "Ow. Remind me not to do _that_ again."

"Not a thing," Tony replied. "But I do like Vegas. Did we have fun? I feel so awful right now, that I feel I _must_ have had fun."

"You took poor Cap to a strip club," Bruce said helpefully, and Thor burst out laughing.

"Yes," Thor added, chuckling. "It was excellent. The Captain was horrified, but look - I have pictures on this phone that Jane gave to me." Thor took out a smartphone and began flicking through the photos stored on it. "Oh, look at this one," Thor said, pointing to a photo of a drunken Steve giving an equally drunken Tony a piggyback ride through the fountains in the front of the Bellagio resort. "I took that one before the security guards came."

"Security guards?" Steve echoed, his face paling. "What...how did this happen? Why do I not remember anything?"

"Tequila," Bruce replied, frowning. "You two really need to learn...that you will never keep up with Thor when it comes to drinking."

"Oh, that's why my mouth feels like a gym sock," Tony murmured, smacking his lips. He turned back to Bruce, a bemused grin on his face. "So, Bruce - you didn't tell me yet, how did you end up with us? I know you weren't in New York."

"I wasn't," Bruce replied. "But I was already in Las Vegas, at a convention, when I got a call from Thor saying you needed bail money, and he wasn't quite sure how that worked?"

"I was in _jail_?" Tony and Steve said simultaneously, each staring at the other in disbelief.

"This is getting worse," Steve muttered, internally cursing Stark and his hare-brained ideas.

"Pepper is going to kill me," Tony moaned. "This is bad press. I can't have bad press."

"This is all _your_ fault!" Steve said accusingly, pointing a finger at Tony. "All because you think I should lose my virginity - "

"Cap's a virgin?" Bruce murmured thoughtfully, shaking his head. "Wow How about that. Who knew?"

"Exactly what I said," Tony said, nodding emphatically. "So. Bruce. _Why_ were we in jail?"

Bruce grinned. "Turned out to be a big misunderstanding, actually. The security footage at the club was proof that you guys didn't do anything wrong, in fact - you were trying to help."

"Do go on," Tony said dryly, making a mental note to get a full body massage once they returned to New York. His entire body ached, and he wasn't sure he really wanted to know why.

"At the club," Thor cut in. "Two women were being harrassed by some drunken louts - not you, of course."

"Well, thank goodness for that," Steve said sarcastically. "So what happened?"

"Well, Cap...you and Stark stepped in and intervened, apparently," Bruce informed them. "But then a fight broke out, and Tony - you put on the suit -

"And Cap took care of the guys, but then they came back and claimed that 'the Avengers jumped them," Bruce finished.

"That's absurd," Steve said dimissively. "We wouldn't do that.

"I know that," Bruce replied patiently. "I _know_. Fortunately, the judge reviewed the tape, and decided to drop all of the charges. So we didn't need the bail money after all."

"But you _did_ come with the money," Tony pressed, grateful to Bruce for stepping up to the bat for him.

"Yeah, I did," Bruce replied quietly, taking a seat next to Tony. "You know, you really can be a pain in the ass sometimes."

"You still love me and you know it," Tony said confidently. "Even the big green guy likes me."

Bruce laughed at that. "Thank you," Steve said quietly to Bruce. "For getting us out of there. I would really like to know what happened while we were in Vegas, though. Other than jail, and romping through a fountain - can I see those photographs?" he asked Thor, grabbing for the phone.

Thor's face froze alarmingly, and he glanced over at Bruce, searching his face for an answer. The scientist shook his head _no _from side to side.

"You know what they say," Bruce said slowly and methodically. "What happens in Vegas...stays in Vegas."

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed my very first Avengers fic! Tony is quite a bit of fun to write, I enjoyed messing with him here. Please read and review!**


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